Part 1: Flashbacks

It's march of this year. I am in yoga teacher training. Our instructor is teaching different ways to support and deepen someone's stretch in downward dog.

A girl volunteers, finds her alignment in plank and pushes her hips straight up into the air. My instructor steps directly behind the girl she is demonstrating on. Immediately my heart rate starts to pick up.
As she pulls the strap around the front of the girls thighs, I start to get light headed.

I must be dehydrated or my blood sugars must be low. I thought, as the sensations became more uncomfortable.
That can't be right. I just finished a large meal 2 hours ago and a giant smoothie within the last 30 minutes. Not to mention I've been peeing clear all day.

As the explanation continues, I start fidgeting. It's getting hot. My hands are sweating. And I begin to realize that watching this demonstration is making me feel sick.

I feel like my breathing is getting harder, So I begin deep breaths. My instructor notices my state and asks if everything is ok. I feel tears well up in my eyes and in a stumble of words, I try to explain what I'm not understanding. 

"I.. I can't. Ummm..." I'm holding my hands out almost as a gesture to stop this scene from happening.

"I can't this. I can't do that." I'm shaking, crying and still confused as hell.

"I don't know what's happening!" My legs start to buckle. She catches me and helps me to the floor.

I sit and sob in her arms for several minutes while she soothes me, telling me "It's ok. You're just having a reaction. You're ok. You're safe here." 

It was then that I realized that I was experiencing a flashback of a memory I didn't actually remember...

To be continued..


When Silas was 6 months old, he died.

He was in the bath tub playing with his toys when I noticed he wasn't breathing, started turning purple and slumped over. I immediately screamed for Dev (my lover/ husband), So he rushed in, yanked him out of the tub, took him to the front room and started doing CPR. Nothing. It had been around 10 seconds. I started dialing 911. And everything slowed down. 

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Why are you Naked?

"Why are you naked?" is a question I get a lot.

The answer may or may not be satisfactory for many, but it comes down to this:

When was the last time you saw yourself and felt nothing but awe, compassion, inspiration, and love? 

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