About Sonia

 

My awakening has been a life long journey. It has been one filled with a colorful past and a long list of suffering that brought me to my knees in search for truth.  In my deepest despair I surrendered myself.  I accepted that I didn't feel worthy or good enough and for the first time I said it out loud, that I was nothing. I dissolved into every painful memory, so far into the depth of my fear that I disappeared and found my light, after all what did I have to loose…

All those external journeys, addictions and projections where just there so I could learn to move in the world. My teachers Gangaji and Eli Jaxon Bear, taught me to trust myself. I thought perhaps I had strayed too far to ever come back. I thought perhaps it was hopeless to be free, to be happy.  I felt so much shame and guilt and ultimately thought I would never be good enough. I tried so hard to fill this void, but nothing seemed to work. All so I could protect myself from anymore suffering, but it just kept getting louder and louder. The harder I tried to let go, the stronger it got. The more I tried to to be better the worse I became.  I was in such despair I couldn’t move anymore, it was manifesting itself physically and all I wanted was for it to be over…

I didn’t understand what was happening. I  didn’t know that I had to feel every bit of the hurt, the pain the loss in order for it to loose it’s charge…Little did I know that it was in my suffering, that would bring me my greatest truths. It was my suffering that created opportunity to see the betrayal in myself. It was my suffering that brought me back home.